Given the otherwise punishing confines of the prison walls, Orange Is The New Black is no stranger to showing some more… intimate… moments. While we do get to see a few heart-warming, long term relationships, most of the inmates are just looking for some no-strings-attached prison sex.
In an ideal world, we’d have loved to see some of these hooks ups lead to something more, but we never got the chance. Whether it’s a fling that didn’t turn into something more, or two characters who barely even crossed paths, we’ve put together a list of the couples we would have loved to see in Orange Is The New Black.
Alex And McCullough
McCullough was a relatively sympathetic character throughout the show, but she had no idea how to do her job. She didn’t when to use her power and when to be lenient, most of the time going overboard with both at the exact wrong times.
When she started using Alex as a mule for phone charger smuggling, the power dynamic was all wrong. Alex was assertive and dominant, with McCullough quickly developing feelings for the inmate. After episode after episode of one on one time, they finally kissed. Considering Alex eventually ended things with Piper, this was one relationship that was actually somewhat possible. The conflicted McCullough could have finally got the help she needed from Alex.
Nicky And Lorna
Honestly, who knows if Nicky and Lorna ever counted as a couple or not. Their strange dynamic was one of best friends, but they also kept having sex. Occasionally, some romance would seep its way in but most of it came from a deeply affectionate Nicky who was repeatedly shut down by the confused, unstable Lorna. Eventually, Nicky lost out to Vinny, and Lorna’s denial-soaked storyline in season 7 meant she really might have lost her forever. We never quite see how the two panned out, but we do know that if their affection for each other was anything to go by, they really would have been awesome together.
Flaca And Maritza
While these two were arguably the most iconic pair in the entire show, their love seemed to be purely platonic. Both characters seem to be completely straight, but they did share one kiss. Even if it was laughed off as ‘silly’, it could have been the start of something.
While we wouldn’t want to ruin their friendship, there’s no denying there was a bit of chemistry there. After all, they have their own ship-name (Flaritza), Maritza literally told Flaca she loves her (though Flaca didn’t say it back), and the look on their faces when they were finally reunited was pretty much just as powerful as a marriage proposal.
Pennsatucky and Nathan
Tiffany Doggett had it rough throughout pretty much the entire series. She had a background full of abuse, started the show off as a hateful bad guy and despite her magnificent character arc of retribution, ended it with a gut-wrenching overdose. One of the elements of her backstory it’s easy to forget about is her ex-boyfriend Nathan. He was one of the first people to be genuinely nice to her, treating her with respect and delicacy and single-handedly showing her that some men are actually pretty nice. When he had to move away and never see her again, she was heart-broken, and rightly so. It tough to think how differently her story could have ended should he have stayed.
Big Boo And Linda Ferguson
The main thing that stopped Big Boo and Linda Ferguson from being together was the fact that Linda was a massive corporate tool and too self-absorbed and money-motivated to do anything for anyone but herself. Not much then. Boo didn’t know that, though, and pined after Linda during her time accidentally incarcerated.
Things took a turn when Boo found out Linda’s true affiliations, but maybe under different circumstances, things could have worked out pretty well. Boo could have transformed Linda’s corporate mindset and the two could have lived out a delightfully mismatched life. Ah well.
Taystee And Caputo
Their relationship might well have been strictly business, but the genuine affection Caputo felt towards Taystee was delightfully wholesome. Considering her general hatred of authority and the system, Taystee was pretty fond of Caputo as well. We might not like some of the slightly stranger things he got up to, but the ex-head warden ended up pretty okay and his intentions were always noble. If he wasn’t so obsessed with (quite successfully, to be fair) reforming Natalie Figueroa, maybe Taystee would have one day become Mrs. C. Lets be honest, though, it was always pretty unlikely. We can dream!
Judy King And Cindy
Having spent a long time pretending to be a couple, we got to see quite a lot of what this interesting pairing would have looked like if things had been real. They were nice to each other, made each other laugh and even kissed for a publicity photo. Admittedly, things took a bit of a turn when Cindy won her fake-ex in an auction during the riots. If things ever were looking towards a real relationship, I’d have guessed that sort of turned it on its head a bit. If that hadn’t happened, though, we’d have loved to have seen Cindy and Judy make things work in a less contrived situation.
Judy King And Joel Luschek
Arguably the strangest duo in the entire series puts the kind-hearted celebrity chef alongside the kinda-hated incompetent warden Joel Luschek. We all know he’s selfish and will let the inmates go down for his own mistakes (until he sort of redeems himself eventually), but there is no denying that Luschek is really, really funny.
Considering their past, which includes an MDMA-induced threesome and some tactical sex used to get Nicky out of max, King and Luschek would have just been too funny not to make a great couple. Their clashing personalities, weird self-absorption and semi-dislike of each other might not have been great for them, but it would have made for some great viewing.
Mei Chang And Fu
We learn very little about Mei Chang’s history through the entire seven seasons of Orange Is The New Black, and she rarely speaks to give us any more up to date news. When she does, she arguably has the funniest lines in the show. That said, she has quite a tumultuous past alongside her business partner Fu.
We don’t see a lot about them, but it is implied that Chang was attracted to Fu but never managed to end up with him. Maybe we’d have been able to see a different side of her character if she’d ended up settling down rather than going around extracting the gallbladders of her enemies.
Poussey And Soso
Technically, the final entry on our list is a bit misleading. Poussey and Soso did get together, and they were together for a while. In fact, everyone knows that- they were one of the highlights of the show. Their relationship was pure and kind and heart-warming, turning the, let’s be honest, quite annoying, Soso into a caring partner for the delightful Poussey.
When Poussey died in season 4, the two were torn apart. It left Soso to fall into a severe depression which seems to have only lifted very slightly three seasons later. While they did get together, they certainly didn’t get to be together for long enough and we certainly wanted to see more.
